Two things: you might think about removing the second 'I remember' and just having 'when this window frame wasn't broken..' Also you use 'as if' twice. The second time you might leave it out and hear what it sounds like without those two words, or have a variant such as 'as though'.
Two things: you might think about removing the second 'I remember' and just having 'when this window frame wasn't broken..' Also you use 'as if' twice. The second time you might leave it out and hear what it sounds like without those two words, or have a variant such as 'as though'.
Jim
Thanks Jim. Useful as always - especially considering I'm at the drafting stage.