Ian, I'm not sure about the story but I do like the poem at the end of it. I think the poem needs pruning, omitting those 'explanations' of her so as to maintain the sense of her being mysterious, unreachable... Without any sense of 'why' she behaved as she did, she becomes imponderable and that paves the way for the repetition of the first two lines of the poem, suggesting all the speaker can do is go round and round...
Thanks for the suggestions, Jim. The poem is an old one and I've resisted tinkering with it too much over the years. I suppose it's also a statement of who I was as a writer back then too. In the past when I've tried editing old poems I find I often lose something in them, or risk turning them into something they're not. Maybe it's the balance of 'craft' vs. capturing an 'historical emotional moment' (for the want of a better phrase).
This is beautifully written, and so heartfelt. Even if it hurts in the end, I loved reading this. It feels like it really understands a part of me, if that makes any sense
All good! Not sure why my second comment came through so many times 😅😅 I think my phone might've messed up sending the first time and so I kept hitting it and it decided to keep sending 😂
Ian, I'm not sure about the story but I do like the poem at the end of it. I think the poem needs pruning, omitting those 'explanations' of her so as to maintain the sense of her being mysterious, unreachable... Without any sense of 'why' she behaved as she did, she becomes imponderable and that paves the way for the repetition of the first two lines of the poem, suggesting all the speaker can do is go round and round...
Thanks for the suggestions, Jim. The poem is an old one and I've resisted tinkering with it too much over the years. I suppose it's also a statement of who I was as a writer back then too. In the past when I've tried editing old poems I find I often lose something in them, or risk turning them into something they're not. Maybe it's the balance of 'craft' vs. capturing an 'historical emotional moment' (for the want of a better phrase).
This is beautifully written, and so heartfelt. Even if it hurts in the end, I loved reading this. It feels like it really understands a part of me, if that makes any sense
To add to this, the conclusion of “there was both nothing and everything between us:
perhaps that is the paradox of love” is stunning. I can’t get over it
To add to this, the conclusion of “there was both nothing and everything between us:
perhaps that is the paradox of love” is stunning. I can’t get over it
To add to this, the conclusion of “there was both nothing and everything between us:
perhaps that is the paradox of love” is stunning. I can’t get over it
Thank you so much, Daniel.
All good! Not sure why my second comment came through so many times 😅😅 I think my phone might've messed up sending the first time and so I kept hitting it and it decided to keep sending 😂