The next very 'drafty' chunk... Feedback on the initial post suggests ditching the first section and starting elsewhere, probably with Two. Very useful comments, thanks!
Three small things. 1) 'I arrived at this conclusion precisely...' This seems a little stilted. Something like 'I decided this just as...' 2.) 'nugget' is an odd word to use when 'stone' would be simpler and just as accurate. 3) a typo: you have 'weight' when it should be 'weigh'.
Well, you have my interest now, so I'd like some more. It reads well, though I'm not sure anyone closes a car door 'reverently', howver, impressed they might be!
Dropping the first ruminative section was a good idea. Throughout this section you feed us info that alludes to the previous meeting with Herge. Possibly prune the hindsight comments a little to avoid sounding too manipulating/teasing.
Three small things. 1) 'I arrived at this conclusion precisely...' This seems a little stilted. Something like 'I decided this just as...' 2.) 'nugget' is an odd word to use when 'stone' would be simpler and just as accurate. 3) a typo: you have 'weight' when it should be 'weigh'.
Well, you have my interest now, so I'd like some more. It reads well, though I'm not sure anyone closes a car door 'reverently', howver, impressed they might be!
Dropping the first ruminative section was a good idea. Throughout this section you feed us info that alludes to the previous meeting with Herge. Possibly prune the hindsight comments a little to avoid sounding too manipulating/teasing.
Jim Friedman
Thanks Jim; useful as always. I'll probably post the first six parts or so and then take stock.